Writing and Editing with Pumpkin Brain

The temperatures are still in the hundreds here in the desert. The only way to know it’s finally fall is through marketing and consumer shopping. Yes, I take all my seasonal cues in this form, otherwise I’d never know when winter was coming, especially now that Jon Snow is dead. (Oh, glorious Jon Snow, I will no longer watch Game of Thrones without you.) So, fall is not the time when the leaves change and the weather gets cool, but when stores are adorn with masks that will haunt your dreams and stacked with bags of glorious pumpkin candies and candy corns, packed with just enough sugar to land you in a diabetic coma.

What is this?
Oh, fall is here! Autumn! Glorious pumpkins: second row, third shelf. Oh yeah.
Warning: clown mask will kill you in your sleep. Please leave outside.
What in God’s name?! I think that clown mask moved itself.

Not to mention EVERYTHING is laced with pumpkin flavoring– chocolates, coffee, bread, pasta, beer, cigarettes and in Colorado, I’m pretty sure weed. New Slogan: Pumpkins! You can roll it, smoke it, eat it!

Now, if you happen to hate pumpkins, this is a really tough time of year for you. Don’t worry though. For every trend, there’s a backlash. Right now I guarantee there’s an anti-pumpkin rally going on. I generally don’t follow trends. Then I come out looking like a winner years later. Remember stirrup pants? Yeah, I don’t.

But, and I don’t know if I’m alone on this but, I have a real oral fixation problem when I’m editing. I chew pencils, gum, jerky, sunflower seeds. So come fall, I’m a real sucker for those awful candy pumpkins. I swear I have the sweet tooth of a 5-year-old trick-or-treater. I’d pass up creme brûlée and all sorts of fancy desserts for this $1.99 crap candy. I don’t know one adult that likes them. I only have one friend that likes candy corns, and even she says the pumpkins are too much of a sugar blast to handle. You have to be a major addict to love them. So that’s me. Hello, my name is Beyonce and I’m a Sugar Addict.

So I was editing all hopped up on sugar and caffeine, which is a terrible combination. Don’t ever try this at home. Boy, I’m a real idiot for using my body as a dumping ground for this garbage. But that’s what I did, editing while under the influence of those damn pumpkins until I couldn’t sit still any longer.

And then I did something stupid, I sent off my manuscript with this crap coursing through my veins. I had all this excessive energy, too, so I went out for a four mile run to burn it all off. But it’s freakin’ 106 degrees out, so I ended up sweating out pumpkin scented sweat, which really throws me off the whole pumpkin bandwagon. But it calmed me down enough to detox. My blood sugars returned to normal and the caffeine flushed out of my body. And then I sat down and reread my manuscript and dammit, I found a hundred errors and areas in need of improvement and I didn’t catch them because I was all hopped up on sugar and coffee.

The moral of the story, if it isn’t obvious, is that pumpkin candies are evil and will ruin your editing eye. And you thought I was going to suggest maintaining a healthy diet . . .

So now I’m curious — when writing or editing, do any of you have disastrous indulgences?


26 thoughts on “Writing and Editing with Pumpkin Brain

    1. desertdweller29

      What’s wrong with GOT, Mister?! A man who fancies a katana should be a fan! I’ll admit, I only watch it because Khaleesi, the queen of dragons, is awesome and Jon Snow was swoon worthy. So, you chew pencils, eh? Watch out for lead poisoning​.

      1. Professor VJ Duke

        GOT has too much…too much…romance! I’m going to show some ignorance here…is Khaleesi a type of food? No, doctors say the lead poisoning is what made me go nuts.

  1. Tejaswi

    graphite poisoning (not lead) .. hmm.. I love my whiskey.. but have to do with rum now in straitened circumstances .. and that ruins a lot of things.. 😀

    1. desertdweller29

      I always get that wrong! Very confusing when they stuff lead into pencils… You know, I’d admire anyone that can write and drink. I probably shouldn’t, but I do. I tried it once and I wrote the worst crap of my life. And I believe it was whiskey. It was equivalent of an “I love you, man” speech. Terrible stuff. Cheers to you!

      1. Tejaswi

        🙂 haha.. I would have loved to read that, though…
        And you are right.. on a desert, the very worst idea.. alcohol displaces water from your body.. so not a good idea 🙂
        Cheers to you too..

      1. allthoughtswork

        Go get a Butterfinger bar and a bag of candy corn. Turn them both over and read the ingredients. Except for the peanut butter, they are nearly identical. Spooky.

        Yes, be afraid. The sugar rush this recipe induces is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. If you take it with coffee you will see sounds and hear colors.

  2. FictionFan

    Well, fortunately I don’t edit, so I reckon I should be allowed to eat pumpkin candies all year round! But sadly I don’t think we do them over here… though be sure I will check! I shall just have to stick to Liquorice Allsorts and the associated attractive black tongue look…

    Pumpkin flavoured chocolate? Euwwww!!

    1. desertdweller29

      What?! I finally found a chocolate you wouldn’t like?! This pumpkin craze all stems from Thanksgiving, so I believe you’re safe abroad. And you do edit, FF! I’ve never seen a misplaced comma or misspelling in any of your reviews!

  3. Don Royster

    Hemingway was known to say, “Write drunk. Edit sober.” I am not sure whether he would approve of pumpkin candy. As for me, give me a cup of coffee and I am ready to go. As far as Game of Thrones, I’ll take Tyrion Lanister any day over Jon Snow and the rest. And I do like candy corn. Also those marshmallow peanuts. It’s amazing I have lived so long. But I guess I can chalk that up to the coffee. After all, when I die, my veins will bleed caffeine.

    1. desertdweller29

      Wow! You like those marshmallow peanuts?! *bows deeply* I’ve never met another. Those are right up there with pumpkin candies. I salute you, sir!

      I never was a fan of the “Write drunk. Edit sober.” Hemingway was an awesome drunk to have written anything that didn’t slur off the pages, but I suspect he had much more practice and less cleaned up than myself.

      Tyrion Lanister! I am a fan now that Jon is gone. I must quickly adjust my alliances and move my giant chess piece in his corner. I wasn’t a huge Jon fan in the beginning, but he grew on me. That’s when I knew he’d be killed off. I will miss his cryptic winter warnings.

  4. ramonawray

    I’ve got one vice, DD, which I shake and then promptly relapse, both when I write & edit. I smoke. So, between your addiction and mine, I want you to remember that it could always get worse, i.e. you could be dumping cancer into your body. Anyway, don’t worry about the stuff you missed. It takes several rounds of copy-editing before the manuscript is truly print-ready. In other words, it ain’t over yet 😉

    1. desertdweller29

      Thank you, Ramona! Your words make me feel much better. Every time I look at the blasted thing, I have missed something.

      We all have vices, I guess. Coffee seemed to be the number 1, although that’s not too bad. I’ll have to stick to gum chewing and rot my teeth.

  5. Debbie

    Oh, dear, I’m afraid I’m the one adult you know who actually *likes* those pumpkin candies! Yep, there I’ve said it, and I feel much better for the admission. If it’s any consolation, even my dog Dallas likes ’em!

    I don’t do vices while I’m editing. Unless, of course, listening to music is a vice. I also find it hard to sit still, so I’m constantly jumping up, pacing around the room, and such. Not a pretty picture, but I guess it could be worse. By the way, that clown mask is disturbing on its own, without thinking the thing moved itself!!

    1. desertdweller29

      The search ends, Debbie! I dare you to try that recipe Allthoughtswork left in the comments section. I think it takes sugar high to a whole new level.

      Isn’t that clown mask DISTURBING?! I swear if someone rang my doorbell wearing that, I’m afraid I attack first and ask questions later.

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