The Holiday Hangover


I’ve been a slacker for several weeks now. Of course, I blame the holidays, but I’ve narrowed down a list of 5 things in particular that kept me from a proper writing schedule:

  1. Christmas lights. These sap-ridden hellions will turn you into a human lint roller, cripple your hands and drive you mad. My job is to take down the tree lights, and every year it’s like wrestling an electrical green cobra. I always make sure the kids are in school so they remain blissfully unaware of my raging hatred for them. This year I was choking the tree to get the lights off when it fell on top of me, in what would be the most comical non-filmed Hollywood blockbuster moment. I suppose I deserved it, but now I reek like a cabby pine freshener with bits of candy cane and glitter stuck to me.
  1. Trump. This might seem like a stretch, but I’m exhausted by all the holiday political talk. If he really wants to make America great again, he’d deport himself to a remote island and stop making America — a nation built on the strength of immigrants — look like ass clowns to the rest of the world. I mean, he made an awesome Halloween costume and even made SNL comical again, but when will this man’s ego run out of steam? He’s like Veruca Salt in Willie Wonka demanding an Oompa Loompa. It’s time for him to go down the garbage chute with all the other entitled children.
  1. Travel. The effort it takes to see both sides of our families is a path riddled with delays and shin damage from no legroom and the seat reclining in front of me. I tried editing only to be distracted by my tray-table lap dance, which sounds sexy but really just involves staring at a man’s thinning hair follicles shimmy in frustration. Reclining fully is called first class, dude. You gotta pay for iiiiiitttt……
  1. No sleep. For the last two weeks I’ve either woken up hung-over, due to family obligations to party like it was 1999 when I was a 20-something rock star, or not knowing where I was, due to sleeping in a twin bed built for a 10-year-old.
  1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens. That’s right. We nerds have been busy seeing this movie enough times to pass as clones. My daughter, in particular, took advantage of my glowing approval that there’s finally an ass-kicking hero who isn’t a boy or a man. But I’m starting to have my limits. We saw it opening night in a crappy theater, then she proceeded to see it the next day, in a theater with stadium seats, in a theater with reclining seats, in 3-D, in 3-D and reclining seats, in IMAX, in IMAX where apparently food and beverages are served, etc. I love Rey. She loves Rey. We all agree, Star Wars is great again without Daddy Lucas crashing the party, but I’m broke and I need to get back to my own story before I start dreaming about Harrison Ford, or more likely, Chewy. …Oh, Chewy, you’re the ultimate snuggie.

Hope everyone is recovering nicely and off to a good start! Thanks for making 2015 a rewarding year in blogging.




20 thoughts on “The Holiday Hangover

  1. Debbie

    Glad you’re back, DD! I know that of which you speak — Domer and I saw Star Wars twice and loved it to many deaths. I, too, was nominated to take down the Christmas lights, and you know, whoever could design something to roll those babies up the way they were initially might just make a fortune! No traveling here, thankfully, nor lack of sleep, but still, I’ve found it hard to get any substantial writing completed. As for the Donald — no words. Just. No. Words.

      1. Debbie

        I think you’re onto something! What he needs with a hoverboard is beyond me — I’d much rather have a lightsaber or a BB8!!

    1. desertdweller29

      Would you be shocked to learn 14? Well, 14 tickets total, but I only saw it twice, which is still something because I never watch movies more than once. I think we’ve contributed quite enough to the $$ making machine called Disney. Wickedly I want to unload all the spoilers to punish your lack of involvement in this spectacle… It’s just not right, I say.

  2. walt walker

    I can sympathize with how Star Wars is distracting you. I’ve only seen it twice too, but that’s not the problem. The problem is it’s making me re-watch ALL the SW movies. Even the crap prequels. Trying to decide if tonite will be for writing or for watching Revenge of the Sith, which will complete the cycle for me. But I may have to watch the original and Empire one more time. And I may have to see the new one one more time. That’s what I get for imprinting on this stuff as a kid!

  3. FictionFan

    I’m proud to say I’ve only ever watched the very first Star Wars movie – and only once! I have issues with Princess Leia’s hairdo…

    …speaking of which, hahahahaha! You have no idea how it reassures me to know that not all Americans are pro-Trump! (Even the BBC, usually America’s biggest fan, is sounding a bit gobsmacked recently…) I shall tell all my fellow Brits to stop being so judgemental. Unless you elect him, of course… 😉

    1. desertdweller29

      I haven’t met one person who thinks Trump’s a good idea, from both sides of the political spectrum. I think everyone just thought he’d eventually go away, but it’s January 2016 and the man still stands! I’m totally gobsmacked by this, I tell you. Even Narcissius die from looking too long at his own reflection!

      Now, get over Leia’s bad hair days and watch SW! ….Wait, actually, no. You might get sucked in and slack off on your reviewing, leaving me to ponder your thoughts on the latest and greatest book releases. So scratch that! You’re not missing anything, FF.

  4. ajppobrien

    Oh how i agree with item 02.
    I live in England and if Trump became President
    the general consensus is that the USA has turned
    into a joke. And a very dangerous one at that.

  5. ramonawray

    Hehe :p I’m with you on the lights and Star Wars. Also, just the general effort that goes into preparing everything for the holidays – decorations, food, presents, letter to & from Santa, getting the family together, ordering & sending Xmas cards…… It’s an endless list of chores. And I decorate and take down everything after on my own sweet self. I’m a bit of a X-mas fiend, so I collect ornaments – got them from all the places where we lived so far. They’re delicate and need wrapping in tissue paper, individually, when the whole think is finished. It takes many, MANY, hours…

  6. Hannah Gosselin

    This post made me laugh out loud…freakin’ thank you…the Christmas lights…yes, my nemesis too, great advice to do these while kids are at school…colorful language is usually involved, (under breath of course), the hangover…yup…Star Wars (!!!!!) we didn’t travel but it took me a whiiillle to get out of holiday funk and back to it. 🙂 I was here to see your image response for Margo but I don’t see it…glad I scrolled down though! 🙂

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